Almost everybody I know has done the dating seen. Dating and sleeping with several people before settling down with our true love, or the closed we can find to our true love. Is our generation so different from our parents generation? Why can our parents keep their marriage together and our generation can not?
When I was a kid my foster father made me watch Fiddler on the Roof. In one of the sense of the moves the tailor asks his wife “do you love me” and she answers "for “twenty five years she cooked his meals, for twenty five years she cleaned his cloths, for twenty five years she raised his children, and then answers “Yeas I suppose I do”. The tailor and his wife had an arranged marriage, they learned how to love each other as apposed to loving each other when they got married.
I have been blessed to have several great (married couples) role-modes in my life. They are the type of couples that you never see argue in public. They are the type off couples that have been together for twenty somewhat years and still going strong. When they play fight you can still see the love in there eyes. Thinking about them makes me wonder, is it a different generation or are they just better at controlling there desires then we are?
Most of our parents want us to believe that they where virgins when they got married. Many people in my life religious and not, ended up having sex before they got married. Proving further more that our parents where probably not virgins when they go married. The sixty’s and seventies where not friendly to virgins. Lol
I was very fortunate that I lived with my husband for fore years before we got married. I really got to know him and all his quarks. When we finally decided to get married not much had changed for us. We still lived in the same apartment. We still shared the same bed. We still did our laundry together, and still argued over who’s turn it was to clean the bathroom. All in all I am very happy that I made the decision to live with him before we got married.
When we first started living together our parents did not like this idea. Both our parents argued that if we move in together and are sleeping with each other this situation will not let our relationship progress. One of my good friend once pointed out, that perhaps our parents worried we will get tired of having sex with each other and drift apart because we do not have marriage documentation holding us together?
Luck for my husband and I, sex is one of the reasons we stayed together. Honestly my husband is not my first man, nor my second, nor my third. Prier to meeting my husband I have broken up with people because I do not find them compatible in bed. Sometimes you meet a man that is so handsome, and funny and you have great conversation, but once you sleep with him it changes your perspective. You can always tell between a man who enjoys women and a man copying a seen from a porno he saw earlier that morning. We have all been with that guy that ends you leaving sore and uncomfortable. You don’t want to return his call in the worry that you might have to do it again. Lol
I guess the difference between our generation and out parents generation is,now at days it is acceptable to have sex without getting married. Having multiple partners before getting married can be both good and bad. The good thing is, multiple partners can teach us the difference between sex and love. The bad news is, you can find yourself having sex with someone that is in love. "Its Complicated". On a separate note> I'm so happy I did not marry my firs. He is still a lost case. lol
In our parents time couples where encouraged to marry after or before having sex. Once you are married, if one of the partners is not good at something in the relationship they have to keep working at it until they get it right. The posses of devours was lengthy and expensive. Couples stuck it out together until they figured out how to make it work or at least make it work in public.
Now at days most women work and some man had to learn how to be a stay at home dad. We keep teaching our children how to be sensitive and express there feelings, but we are forgetting to teach them how to work hard and appreciate what they have.
Or parents are able to keep their relationships strong because they change with the times. Now that most women work, so do most of our moms. Our dads had to swallow thee pride and learn now to clean the house and change diapers. They had to learn how to start where the other person finished. This can only happen in a relationship where both people are committed to an endless love, because they know divorce is not an option.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Why do we hide our emotions from ourselves?
Why do we hide our emotions from ourselves? There is an irony in using our emotions as a defense mechanism. We push our emotions away in order to get to our happy place, but we cant find our true happy place because we are suppressing our emotions.
looking back on my childhood I don’t remember ever really being happy. Its interesting because many people tell me I’m a happy person. Sometimes people even ask me, how I can be so optimistic when I went through such shit? The truth is I was not always like this, and I did not always know what made me happy. Of course when someone gave me a gift, I would say thank you and acknowledge there kindness. Sometimes I really loved the gift or the card, but I still found it hard to be truthfully happy. At the time it seamed that I just did not know how to respond. Now however I understand that I was suppressing my emotions because I did not know how to let myself enjoy life.
In my journey of trying to get the acceptance from my foster family the same times as I was trying to get acceptance from my biological family, I somehow berried my emotions and forgot where I marked the spot. All I wanted was just wanted to fit in. One might say that my emotions where under developed because I had a need to study other peoples emotions. What I am trying to say is sometimes I would study the people around me to try and see how they act and what made them happy. Sometimes I would test them buy giving them something or sharing something with them that was of value to me. I studied them because I did not know why they could not accept me even though they asked me to come join them. In my foster home, my foster family acted different in almost every situation then my biological family. My foster family even spoke differently, sometimes they where sarcastic and I did not know when they where serious. My foster mother would tell me that I was superficial. The truth is, I was superficial but only because I was hurting inside. I could not find a way for them to accept me so I did not constantly feel criticized. Honestly I still don’t understand how they wanted me to be myself, when I was only aloud to act like them?
I faced similar situations in collage because I kept finding myself in relationships where I was still hiding my emotions from myself. Putting up with bosses and coworkers that treated me like shit, only because I needed but in reality the job was bringing me down both physically and emotionally.
I think the first time I was really happy was the day my son Knox was born. The first time I looked at his face, I had an overwhelming feeling of happiness. It was so real and so deep that it almost felt like fear. It was as if somebody had spilled a bucket of water over my sleeping body. I was awoken with all these emotions and feelings that I had been keeping from myself for so many years. At that moment I made a promos to myself that I will try to be honest with myself. I need to be at my best, to be at my best for my son and now my daughter.
looking back on my childhood I don’t remember ever really being happy. Its interesting because many people tell me I’m a happy person. Sometimes people even ask me, how I can be so optimistic when I went through such shit? The truth is I was not always like this, and I did not always know what made me happy. Of course when someone gave me a gift, I would say thank you and acknowledge there kindness. Sometimes I really loved the gift or the card, but I still found it hard to be truthfully happy. At the time it seamed that I just did not know how to respond. Now however I understand that I was suppressing my emotions because I did not know how to let myself enjoy life.
In my journey of trying to get the acceptance from my foster family the same times as I was trying to get acceptance from my biological family, I somehow berried my emotions and forgot where I marked the spot. All I wanted was just wanted to fit in. One might say that my emotions where under developed because I had a need to study other peoples emotions. What I am trying to say is sometimes I would study the people around me to try and see how they act and what made them happy. Sometimes I would test them buy giving them something or sharing something with them that was of value to me. I studied them because I did not know why they could not accept me even though they asked me to come join them. In my foster home, my foster family acted different in almost every situation then my biological family. My foster family even spoke differently, sometimes they where sarcastic and I did not know when they where serious. My foster mother would tell me that I was superficial. The truth is, I was superficial but only because I was hurting inside. I could not find a way for them to accept me so I did not constantly feel criticized. Honestly I still don’t understand how they wanted me to be myself, when I was only aloud to act like them?
I faced similar situations in collage because I kept finding myself in relationships where I was still hiding my emotions from myself. Putting up with bosses and coworkers that treated me like shit, only because I needed but in reality the job was bringing me down both physically and emotionally.
I think the first time I was really happy was the day my son Knox was born. The first time I looked at his face, I had an overwhelming feeling of happiness. It was so real and so deep that it almost felt like fear. It was as if somebody had spilled a bucket of water over my sleeping body. I was awoken with all these emotions and feelings that I had been keeping from myself for so many years. At that moment I made a promos to myself that I will try to be honest with myself. I need to be at my best, to be at my best for my son and now my daughter.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
When I was a kid I never missed anybody
Way do we welcome people in to our lives that cause our heart pain. Is it because having some kind of relationship is better then not having one at all?
When I was a kid I never missed anybody. I never missed my mother. I never missed my foster parents. I never missed my brothers. I guess I was to busy to slow down and think about what is effecting me right now. As I’m getting older find myself thinking about them all the time. Does this mean that I miss them or am I just reminiscing on the past, holding onto what was?
Over the years I have grown apart from most of the people in my life. I was always good at making friends just not keeping them. Im not blaming this on constantly moving although I did move a lot as a kid. Honestly the reason I never held on to fiends is because I was never sure if they really where my friend. I kept running into situations where I felt people only befriended me because they felt bad for my circumstances. Every new home I would move to, my foster parents already explained to there neighbors and friends that I was a foster child. I have even bin families where the foster parents picked out my friend before I even got there.
The fact that I’m really bad at keeping in touch makes it ironic that I find myself being the one tries to call biweekly to see how the other side is doing. Most of the time I find myself leaving messages. Sometimes I wait a few weeks until they call me back, other times they never call back at all. My husband says I should just let go, its not worth missing them if they don’t think about me. Maybe its my pride, but I refuse to believe that they don’t miss me. I know we have grown apart, but how could they not think about me, how could they not love me?
When I was a kid I never missed anybody. I never missed my mother. I never missed my foster parents. I never missed my brothers. I guess I was to busy to slow down and think about what is effecting me right now. As I’m getting older find myself thinking about them all the time. Does this mean that I miss them or am I just reminiscing on the past, holding onto what was?
Over the years I have grown apart from most of the people in my life. I was always good at making friends just not keeping them. Im not blaming this on constantly moving although I did move a lot as a kid. Honestly the reason I never held on to fiends is because I was never sure if they really where my friend. I kept running into situations where I felt people only befriended me because they felt bad for my circumstances. Every new home I would move to, my foster parents already explained to there neighbors and friends that I was a foster child. I have even bin families where the foster parents picked out my friend before I even got there.
The fact that I’m really bad at keeping in touch makes it ironic that I find myself being the one tries to call biweekly to see how the other side is doing. Most of the time I find myself leaving messages. Sometimes I wait a few weeks until they call me back, other times they never call back at all. My husband says I should just let go, its not worth missing them if they don’t think about me. Maybe its my pride, but I refuse to believe that they don’t miss me. I know we have grown apart, but how could they not think about me, how could they not love me?
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